It's June?

Love is inevitable. We are all loved and we all love someone or something. But when it comes to falling in love, things are so complicated. Right now I am feeling so confused.....

So, it's been a while. I haven't written anything publicly in months! Well, we're moved and fairly settled in. My Desi girl is doing fantastic in her new school! I have a part time job, with what seems like I bunch of children, but that's another post. I am enrolled into school to finally complete my bachelors, which hopefully won't take too long. The only issue with that is finances, but I won't stress over it. Spiritually I have grown so much since moving back, and I feel so much better mentally....I am much more at peace with myself. In the midst of all of this, I tried my hand in the online dating scene, and it was a bust. Well, not a complete bust, I think.

Back in January, with the push of one of my friends back in Cali, I joined a site because she wanted me to join "with" her. I did. She was meeting guys left and right, but I, on the other hand wasn't finding anyone who met my fancy. I was about to delete the account, but then a guy messaged me and I just felt like I should talk to him. We talked on the phone and via text for like a week, and he wanted to meet me, but I had excuse after excuse. And then I was ready, and the day of our meeting, he texted saying he couldn't come. I was pretty upset about it. We stopped talking as much over the next few weeks, and I wanted to pursue a long time friend. My feelings for this friend weren't mutual. Online Guy and I would randomly text here and there but nothing serious. He eventually started dating someone else, but it didn't work out. Through the miscommunication we both felt as though the other really didn't like us. We started talking a lot more a few weeks back, and finally met. 

The plan was to have lunch and see if there was chemistry. An hour to two hour lunch turned into a ten hour excursion. It was actually one of the greatest days I've had out on a date. A week later he came to see me (we don't live in the same town) at work. A couple of days later we went for a quick dinner because my daughter was with my grandmother. 

In the beginning I was really unsure about him, but as we talked more and spent time together, I really like him. He's a really cool guy. 

But, here's where the problem lies......

There has never been any talk of the possibilities of us ever being more than friends, so I kind of don't like to show my feelings. I don't want to put myself out there and be hurt in the end, but I don't want to push him away. A few days ago my sister mentioned meeting him and I told her no, and I told him about the conversation. He said something about me being embarrassed to bring him around and at he's invisible....so maybe that gave him the wrong idea. I wanted to talk to him tonight, but I am sort of feeling like he's been avoiding me. It could be insecurities on my part, but I'm just not sure. I want to just go with the flow. 

It just has me thinking about how complicated it can be when finding love. Sometimes the lines aren't clear, and you just don't know if you've found your love. I imagined myself knowing instantly, but I think the likelihood of that happening is very slim. 

I do hope, if anything, Online Guy and I can remain friends! 

Considering that this has been sitting in my notes for a few weeks, I can say, Online Guy and I are no longer friends. Since my friends have had pretty decent experiences with online dating, I went against my better judgement and tried it for myself.....it definitely doesn't work for everyone.


Love.