As a single mother, heck, as a mother or parent in general, we tend to lose ourselves sometime during our journey. But thinking about it, I never really had a sense of self. I have always found myself trying to figure out where I fit in, where I belong. After giving birth to my baby girl I picked up....wait for it....FEAR! I once lived my life just day by day, and really didn't care. Now that I care, I get so caught up in the "What if this doesn't work out?!" mentality. This is something that applies to all aspects of my life...one aspect that is most applies to is my dating life, or lack thereof. As I was encouraging my friend to get out there and meet new people she stopped me in my tracks. I knew what was coming. All I could say was "I know, I know." I don't put myself out there, I am well aware. Many of my friends try to encourage me to put myself out there, though. From online dating (something I just don't think I could take seriously, although many of my friends met their husbands online.) to just getting all prettified and getting out of the house. But that's the problem, that's where I lost myself. I have never been the 'get all dressed up' type, but I was never the 't-shirt and blue jeans' type either. And that is exactly who I've become. I am the momma you see out with her kid who is all fancy, but she's wearing a Target v-neck and jeans.
I am so afraid of meeting someone, getting serious, introducing him to Desi, and then something happens and we go our separate ways. And what if this happens several times? I just don't wan't to have too many men coming in and out of her life. Don't get me wrong, I will never introduce her to some ol' Joe Schmoe, but I know stuff happens and people grow apart or just don't work out. *See, you get a glimpse of how my crazy brain works.*
Instead of being a crazy chick, I an going to try not to think about the "what if's" and just go with the flow. In all aspects of life, it's very important to have a plan, but dwelling on tomorrow causes more stress than what it's worth.
It's a new day, right? The first step is recognizing and admitting your problem, right?! But I know I'm not alone, so if you are one of those parents who have lost yourself when the kid(s) came about, take some time out of your day and do something you love. Find the true you! You can be you as well as being a great parent!
**Here's to some soul searching and finding me, and leaving the fear behind!**
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